Litany for a bakery


We sat down and under silence we started to take in the place. We agreed it was a rather average-sized bakery. The woman who had just served me coffee walked by us with some sort of cookie on a plate, obviously intened for the teenagers in the corner. On the way back she stopped by the pulpit, looked around for a while and then she climbed up the marble stairs. When she reached the top of the renaissance pulpit she quickly placed a beautiful antependium over the edge and cleared her throat. By now she was about four meters above us.

"We just ran out of dammsugare-cookies but there's a shipment from Bolivia coming tomorrow morning. The påtårarna is free but just for regular coffee." She raised her hands into the air and the teenagers in the corner chanted "The påtår will set us free! The påtår will set us free!" The woman in the pulpit continued. "You must be a paying customer in order to use the toilets and remember that we charge 3 skr extra if you pay with card under 50 skr. If you want a påtår on your special coffee it's half the normal price." Again. "The påtår will set us free! The påtår will set us free!"

The woman let the antependium hang and walked down to the cash register. It wasn't until now I realized that the antependiumn had a picture of a naked Samantha Fox on it. "Odd," said Tim "We never ran out of dammsugare-cookies back in England". With a slight shrug I set the timer on the mustard gas bomb to 5 minutes and placed it under my chair as we left.